Bowling Alley 

And when you are middle aged

It feels

Heavy like a rock sitting on your chest.

It feels like bowling 

Each pin represents a different person I have become through time. 

And the alley is the road I have had to walk 

To get to where I am standing 

But the ball keeps on hitting 

One by one 

Each version of me.

And there it goes 

Failing at striking me all. 

Bruising me. 

Feverishly aiming to the center. 

To the center of my heart. 

Intensely

And rapidly 

With only one goal. 

I have been standing here 

Waiting for all the pins to soon drop.

To know no pain 

Would be a gift. 

One day I will not be any of them 

But just nothing 

Nothing at all 

Just the broken pieces 

Just the ashes of who I once was. 

And it will be nice 

Not having life strike so many times. 

I have been born 

And been domesticated to think that sadness is not allowed. 

That I must be happy at all cost. 

And at all cost that is what I have been waiting for since my first cry. 

To be completely honest I have lived to know pain and recognize it as my friend. 

Because happiness comes so fast and dissolves like smoke. 

My hands have tried thousands of times to catch it in hope of forever. 

But I have become sick as a parrot. 

I am better standing here 

And watching time fly by

At the tip of my nose. 

Like a train that has no stop

Feel the breeze wrapping me 

Making me still feel alive 

As the very inside of me is blown to smithereens. 

My eyes flabbergast

As I Realize that we were meant to feel pain 

that we will get good at numbing ourselves 

It is inevitable 

Inevitable

As God gives us breath 

The clock starts 

And that realization that we are not eternal 

That’s when the ball starts to strike

But to live as a child till death 

Sucks the agony of birth. 

Empties out all reality 

Naive in a world, that steadily soaks.

Stripping off every lie

Finally breathing again 

Grasping every air possible 

Fetching the truth that’s been buried in mud. 

Taking you back to the innocent child you once were.

With unfathomable joy.