God has become silent
The mountains have subjugated the echo of our pain.
As a result our pain pounders .

Slowly cripples through our body
Becoming anxiety
sadness
Anger
Rage
Uncontrollable sickening the heart.
Till you can’t move .

You drown
And the waves get deeper
Harder to bare
Making you realize
You aren’t God
That the world is collapsing
In the hands of humans

And I can’t even ask my mother if it will all be ok someday.

It Has been quite empty since the day she left.

It even feels like God has left too.

As much as i scream
As much volume as i can get
I don’t want to hear my inner demons anymore.

My heart pounds
Thinking that there might be danger
Surrounding me
And my body wants to run away without stopping.

But it’s just another human
Just there lost in their own thoughts
Just like me.

I wonder if my body would ever understand
That not everything is danger.

I think it’s just scared
Scared of being alone.
Scared of having to go through the same traumas
Over and over again.

I’ve been living in depression
And I don’t think it will ever go away completely.

But I tell you that it’s been colder for 3 years now
And the feeling is growing old

But to my heart is as new as that day .
As the day that the sky turned gray
As new as Mondays
As new as that Christmas day
When I rushed towards the gift
As I unwrapped the box I thought I might just feel something
Something like before .
But the box is empty
It has just things .
But
Nothing like the last time.
The Christmas tree had lights they were on
Supposedly they were shining
But it was still dark

There’s this feeling of one day feeling wholeness .
There’s this feeling that when i die that’s when I’ll know what my heart has been aching for.

Or maybe simply
This belabor
Has become home
Is to learn to live with the pain.
Is all there’s left to do.

I also think that the real answer is to submerge all the monsters.
To asphyxiate
Till it hinders
Till it cannot speak for you anymore.
And that is the secret
For the feeling that itches
The hole that carries them all.
The hole that successfully drowns us all.
And many survive
But many cannot escape
Many go long the river
The hole flushes them whole .

You have to kill it before it kills you.